Burrel's World--News From the Briar Patch

Missouri has NO illegal Aliens....(

2010-11-23T15:54:00.000-08:00

THIS IS TRUE) Interesting: SCROLL TO BOTTOM TO VISIT IMPORTANT CONFIRMATION LINK AND AWESOME COMMENTS!!!

Missouri 's approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more advanced, sophisticated, strict and effective than anything to date in Arizona .

Do the loonies in San Francisco , or the White House, appreciate what Missouri has done? When are our fearless President and his dynamic Attorney General going to take action to require Missouri start accepting illegal immigrants once again?

So, why doesn't Missouri receive attention?

Answer: There are no Mexican illegals in Missouri to demonstrate.

The "Show Me" state has once again shown us how it should be done.

In 2007, Missouri placed on the ballot a proposed constitutional amendment designating English as the official language of Missouri .

In November, 2008, nearly 90% voting in favor! Thus English became the official language for ALL governmental activity in Missouri .

No individual has the right to demand government services in a language
OTHER than English.

In 2008 a measure was passed that required the Missouri Highway Patrol and other law enforcement officials to verify the immigration status of any person arrested, and inform federal authorities if the person is found to be in Missouri illegally. Missouri law enforcement offices receive specific training with respect to enforcement of federal immigration laws.

In Missouri, illegal immigrants do NOT have access to taxpayers benefits such as food stamps and health care through Missouri HealthNET.

In 2009 a measure was passed that ensures Missouri 's public institutions of higher education do NOT award financial aid to individuals who are illegally in the United States .

In Missouri all post-secondary institutions of higher education to annually certify to the Missouri Dept. of Higher Education that they have NOT knowingly awarded financial aid to students who are unlawfully present in the United States .

So while Arizona has made national news for its new law, it is important to remember, Missouri has been far more proactive in addressing this horrific problem.

Missouri has made it clear that illegal immigrants are NOT welcome in the state and they will certainly NOT receive public benefits at the expense of Missouri taxpayers.

Here is the link to confirm: Be sure to read the readers comments too. http://www.ozarkssentinel.com/missouri-ahead-of-the-game-in-dealing-with-illegal-immigrants-p1034.htm

Taken from: "The Ozarks Sentinel" Editorial - Nita Jane Ayres, May 13, 2010 .
If the link does not work, just type in "The Ozarks Sentinel - Nita Jane Ayres" in Google.

The Time Has Indeed Come!

2010-11-11T18:18:00.000-08:00

Governors of 35 states have already filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention.

This is an idea whose time has come!

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest was to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform ... in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law.

I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever The self-serving must stop.

It is also time to stop the practice of sneaking unpopular legislation through, piggybacked on legislation which is more likely to pass by including a single purpose rule. Many State constitutions already have such a rule that is designed to avoid complexity in laws and to avoid any hidden consequences that legislators or voters may miss when reading the proposed law.

The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people demanded it That was in 1971...before computers, before e-mail, before cell phones, etc.
Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year or less to become the law of the land...all because of public pressure.

I'm asking each addressee to forward this Email to a minimum of twenty people on their Address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.

In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States . Nor shall Congress enact any legislation that shall embrace more than one subject, which subject shall be clearly expressed in its title”

AB 1906 may not be the solution for San Bernardino County problems

2010-10-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

Assemblyman Col. Paul Cook was very generous and statesmen-like in a recent Sun article, where he was quoted as saying he “wouldn’t push the county” to impanel a second civil grand jury. He also admitted that in his new addition to the criminal code, AB 1906, the presiding judge still has that responsibility.
There are two types of Grand Juries in California govern by Penal Code Sections 888-945. One is a criminal grand jury and is selected from the jury rolls and is impaneled for specify investigations with full indictment powers. The other, a civil grand jury which has no indictment powers, is the subject of this discussion. Its members are selected from five volunteers in each supervisor district for a total of 30, and then 19 of them are impaneled by a random drawing.
AB 1906 authorizes a second Civil Grand Jury for San Bernardino County only and has been signed into law by the Governor. Therefore, some of my concerns aren’t relevant, but I believe that the general public does not fully understand the powers and limitations of a civil grand jury. The most important one in my opinion, is a grand jury operates under a veil of complete secrecy. For example, what would happen if that second grand jury investigates the same case as the other regular grand jury? The existing code states that each grand jury sets its own agenda and AB 1906 does not completely address this.
A civil grand jury can only make public recommendations in its reports to the Board of Supervisors or complaints to the District Attorney. Remember, these are only recommendations. The Supervisors and the District Attorney have no obligation to follow up on those recommendations. Granted the Board has to make an official response within 90 days, and they can then file those recommendations and responses away and forget them. As far as the complaints to the District Attorney, unless it is an official accusation of a public official, he can also ignore it. If Col. Cook wants to make some more changes, I suggest that he look into this ignored section of the criminal code.
I am a firm supported of Col. Cook. He is a decorated Marine and a good legislator. I plan to support him Nov. 2 for re-election. What I want to do is to point out that even though AB 1906 might has some good sections, others parts, in my opinion, are just some of the same old stuff. I also understand that he introduced this legislation at the request of the San Bernardino County Board of Supervisors. Remember, this is the same board that has ignored the ethical recommendations that the 2008-2009 Grand Jury made in its Government Reform Report.
Consequently, for better or worse, AB 1906 is now the law of the land. Its success will be determined by how it is used. Col. Cook’s concerns about the problems in San Bernardino County are justified. He is to be commended for using his legislative powers in an attempt to help solve them.

Would you vote for this proposition?

2010-10-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

While cleaning off my desk to fulfill one of my New Year’s Resolutions, I came across the following petition from some fringe group’s federal ballot proposition. Some of it is pretty far-out and I am curious what reaction readers of this column will have when they read them.

“A. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof: or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press: or the right of the people peaceably to assembly, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

“B. A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

“C. No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

“D. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses,, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by an Oath of affirmation and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

“E. No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger, nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb: nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

“F. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witness in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.

“G. In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

“H. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishment inflicted.

“I. The enumeration in the Constitution of certain right, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

“J. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

Must be the Tea Party. Pretty wild stuff for this day and time don't your think? Would you vote for them? Be careful you might get what you wish for.

Subject: Apache, Arizona - Our Secure Border

2010-09-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

July 28th, 2010 By Ed Ashurst

I believe story telling to be an art form, certainly
verbal record is the oldest form of recording history and recognized
by historians worldwide. There is an old adage among those who love to
tell a good tale, "Never let the truth get in the way of a good
story." And yet there are times when the truth is even more fantastic
than exaggeration. What I write here is the truth, plain and simple.

I reside on, and manage a large cattle ranch in the far
southeastern corner of Arizona. I've been here for 13 years and in
that time frame have become far too familiar with the illegal
trafficking in human beings, marijuana and other illicit drugs. Some
have called it "the wetback culture" or "America's border problem".
Lately it's been taking steroids.

The recent murder of Robert Krentz by an illegal alien
has received massive amounts of publicity worldwide. I live on the
ranch bordering the Krentz ranch to the east and north. I can see the
Krentz home looking out of my front door approximately 10 miles away.
The day after Rob's death I was involved in tracking the outlaw into
Mexico. I saw the outlaw's footprints where he crossed the border
fence. I mention this to say I feel that I'm qualified to speak about
current border issues.

My home has been broken into twice. My son's home has
been broken into also and between us we have had between twenty and
thirty thousand dollars worth of stuff stolen from us including two
ranch pick-ups, a four wheeler, 9 firearms (including a loaded AK 47)
cash, jewelry all of our credit cards, driver's license, etc. A guest
house here on the ranch has been broken into so many times we quit
counting... many times we haven't even called the Sheriff's dept. The
Cochise County Sheriff's dept. has no less than fifteen reports on
file where I've called for assistance dealing with an outlaw illegal
alien.

Several months ago, not long after Rob Krentz's death,
Fox news (channel 10 in Phoenix AZ) contacted me and expressed
interest in coming down and doing a news story about me and the
problems myself and other ranchers in this area have had in recent
months with illegal outlaws. To prepare for my interview with Fox, I
asked for assistance from six other neighboring ranchers and
businessmen. All of these men are prominent men in the community, tax
payers, business owners and individuals who have the best of
reputations. Together we made a map of the area which covered from the
southeastern corner of AZ going west about 20 miles to the silver
creek area, and going north about 30 miles to the area around the
towns of Portal, AZ and Rodeo, N.M. On this map we made marks
recording violations to United States law committed by illegal aliens.
We did not use government statistics
(we wouldn't know how to get them) but recorded
incidents that we knew had happened first hand, many of which we had
witnessed. We tried to record only the incidents that have happened in
the last several years.

The sum total of what we recorded is this:

The arrest or capture of 40 illegal in one bunch - 40
(we didn't bother with the countless smaller groups)

Loads of Marijuana found and captured - 213

Dangerous encounters with illegal aliens - 132 (assault,
burglaries, forced entries, etc.)

Dead illegal aliens found by civilians - 16

High speed vehicle chases between dope haulers and law
enforcement - 14

Illegal aliens spotted with firearms - 12

Fires started by illegal aliens - 9

Over 1000, 000 acres burned with the cost to taxpayers
of $ 40,000,000. One fire near Portal AZ in June of 2010 cost
$10,000,000. to fight (forest Service estimate)

Outlandish incidents - 4

Example: One bachelor in the Portal area was burglarized
around 100 times. He finally took all his valuables and put them in a
steel vault and welded the door shut. He then moved out of his house
into a shed hoping the illegal aliens would leave him alone. They did
not and he finally abandoned his property. Another outlandish event
was when outlaws stole a brand new Caterpillar motor grader on the
Geronimo Trail east of Douglas, AZ and drove south through the border
fence never to be seen again. The grader belonged to Cochise County
Hwy Dept.

Financial losses to private sector - $100,000,000.00
(losses in real estate value, personal property, etc., losses in
wildlife habitat - immeasurable)

Last but certainly not least, the murder of Rob Krentz,
which is right in the center of our map.

Let me put this in perspective. The area I'm talking
about is an area that covers approximately 17 or 18 townships with
only 20 miles being adjacent to the US - Mexico Boundary. Within this
area, there is a population of perhaps600 people, 90% of which reside in Rodeo, N.M. or Portal, AZ, 30 miles or so north of Mexico. No less than 80% of the
people in this area have been burglarized or otherwise molested by
illegal aliens. This area is about half as big as the Diamond A ranch
or Babbitt ranch in northern AZ, both of which I've been employed on.

I'm sorry to report that this, in my opinion, is the
small part of the story. The Mexican-American border has taken a
dramatic change for the worse in the last several years. Those of us
who live here see it first hand. As early as February of 1999 Sheriff
Larry Dever warned me and others at a town hall meeting at the Apache
School that the Sinaloa Cartel was moving into the Douglas-Agua Prieta
area (Rob Krentz was at this meeting). The cities of Nuevo Laredo,
Coahila, Cuidad Juarez, Chihuahua, and other border towns south of
Texas have been controlled by outlaws for years. There is virtually no
law enforcement in those places. The law is the law of the jungle.
Until the last two years it seemed that Agua Prieta and Nogales were
safer places but that has dramatically changed in recent months.

I am personally acquainted with 2 Mexican men, that I
know to be honest and trustworthy, who have been involved first hand
with Mexican outlaw terrorist acts. One witnessed first hand an
execution of several people in broad daylight in Juarez. Several weeks
later his daughter witnessed an assassination in Casas Grandes,
Chihuahua no less than fifteen feet from where she stood. The other
man is a legal Mexican green card holder (who was employed by the
Krentz family for years) whose nephew was murdered by cartel members
in Sonora. At night people in Douglas are hearing machine gun fire
from Agua Prieta south of the border fence.

The Sinaloa Cartel is now putting a stranglehold on Agua
Prieta. No more than 2 months ago 8 armed Mexicans were confronted by
2, U.S. Border Patrol agents north of the International Boundary in
southeast Cochise County disguised as Federalizes. They were in fact
cartel employees armed with assault rifles and automatic pistols.
Mexican people that know tell me the situation in Agua Prieta has
deteriorated dramatically in recent months. The good people are told
to look the other way "or else." Volumes could be written about this
subject alone, but I will move on.

You could ask, "So what does this have to do with us
living north of the border fence?" Plenty! The situation on the border
isn't just about a few workers walking north. It has everything to do
with big business. Billions of dollars are being made trafficking
humans, drugs, and contraband across the International Boundary. The
Sinaloa Cartel, headed by Chapo Guzman and others, is reaping huge
profits doing business along the border. The average coyote charges
$1500 - $2500 to guide an illegal alien north to find work; usually
abandoning them a short distance north of the line. A young man
willing to pack dope north can make more than a construction worker or
a teacher in the U.S. and only work a day or two a week.

This is not all south of the line. I could take you and
show you businesses where checks and credit cards are not accepted and
where very few customers walk through the door, yet the owners live in
the largest mansions in town and drive very expensive cars. Could
there be some money laundering going on? There are only two industries
of any significance in Douglas, AZ: law enforcement (Douglas has one
of the largest Border Patrol stations in America), and the illegal
trafficking of drugs, people, etc. across the border. These two
industries feed on each other, and the powers that be seem happy with
the situation. Crooked politicians look good to the public when they
clean up drunk driving and prostitution, until you find they own bars
and whore houses south of the line. These things have happened!

But this, in my opinion, is only the beginning. Chapo
Guzman who heads up the Sinaloa Cartel is a multibillionaire. This guy
and others like him may be cruel and sinister people but they are also
very smart businessmen. They are reaping profits off of the largest
tax free unregulated business on the planet. They have so much cash
they are befuddled what to do with it all. But they are going to
figure it out.

There are rumors that Guzman is financing modern, state
of the art feedlots and packing houses in Mexico with plans to
overtake America as the Western hemisphere's leading beef producer.
This is probably only a small part of his plans. Mexico is a nation
rich in natural recourses. Petroleum is abundant and the corrupt
Mexican government is in control of all of it. Pemex is the only gas
station in town. Pemex, because of the incompetent Mexican government,
is broke. Chapo Guzman is at war with the Mexican government and has
dreams (not unrealistic) of controlling the entire nation. Think of
all of Mexico's natural resources in the control of Chapo Guzman! He
already has the most profitable business in the world - selling
Marijuana to your next door neighbor. Think what he could do with a
tax free unregulated strangle hold on a nation of poor people begging
to work for practically nothing.

Do you think that Chapo Guzman and others like him
haven't thought of all of this? Do you think that Guzman isn't
laughing all the way to the bank as he watches the evening news and
hears how the American Government proclaims that the situation on the
border is under control? What is going on in northern Mexico is
capitalism in its rawest form. They have an untaxed unregulated
business making huge profits and they have no plans of closing up shop
any time soon. We here in the U.S. are overtaxed, overregulated and
being smothered by increasingly intrusive government that makes it
hard to do business in a successful manner. You don't have to be
rocket scientist to figure this one out.

This has nothing to do with being Republican or Democrat
or Latino or White. It has everything to do with being right or wrong.
I came from a long line of Democrats. My great uncle was a U.S.
Senator for several decades. My grandfather was an attorney, and a
Superior Court Judge. I have a 1939 copy of a Time Magazine with his
picture when he ran as a Democrat for Congress. The only time in
history the U.S deficit was paid off was by a Democrat - Andrew
Jackson. John Kennedy announced nearly 50 years ago that America could
put a man on the moon and in less than a decade we did it.

I am now a registered Republican, but I'm not a Democrat
hater. But, how can the president of the "can do" nation of Andrew
Jackson's and JFK's party say we can't seal the border? We conquered
Adolph Hitler in World War II, but can't seal the border? We put a man
on the moon but can't seal a leaking oil well in less than 90 days?
While this is going on we tax and regulate American business with a
vengeance that stifles the free market system that has made our
country great. While Janet Napolitano announces the border is safer
than ever, Chapo Guzman and others pack billions of American dollars
south to invest in a tax free market with one of the largest cheap
labor force on the planet at his disposal!

I challenge you to come to Douglas, AZ and drive east on
the Geronimo Trail, or northeast on US Hwy 80 to places on the map
like Chiracahua and Apache. Or go to Rodeo and Hatchita, NM. Go and
search out the 5 biggest cattle ranches in the Apache, AZ area and ask
them what they think. Go to Hidalgo County, N.M. and ask the ranchers
and cowboys there what they are seeing and hearing. Ask the people who
we do business with what they think of our opinions. I challenge you
to ask the prominent people in this area, who work hard and pay taxes
if they agree with Barack Obama or Ed Ashurst when it comes to what is
really going on near the U.S.-Mexican border. Unlike Obama and others
I don't have to be surrounded by sycophants to make a statement. I
purposefully left out the names of those who helped me with my map and
the data I collected when preparing for the Fox interview.

In closing I challenge you to look around to see if what
I say is the truth. This isn't about a few Mexicans wandering around
looking for a job. This is about American civilization going into a
time of tremendous change - a building has foundations and walls,
maybe the foundation of our country is still strong, I don't know, but
the walls have certainly fallen down and the keepers of the house are
out to lunch.

THIS SHOULD BE A MANDATORY SPEECH GIVEN BY EVERY PRINCIPAL!

2010-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Dennis Prager ...first day of school
If every high-school principal gave this speech at the beginning of the next school year, America would be a better place.

To the students and faculty of our high school:
I am your new principal, and honored to be so. There is no greater calling than to teach young people.
I would like to apprise you of some important changes coming to our school. I am making these changes because I am convinced that most of the ideas that have dominated public education in America have worked against you, against your teachers, and against our country.
First, this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity. I could not care less if your racial makeup is black, brown, red, yellow, or white. I could not care less if your origins are African, Latin American, Asian, or European, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships.
The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity — your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will care about is American. This is an American public school, and American public schools were created to make better Americans.
If you wish to affirm an ethnic, racial, or religious identity through school, you will have to go elsewhere. We will end all ethnicity-, race-, and non-American-nationality-based celebrations. They undermine the motto of America, one of its three central values — e pluribus unum, “from many, one.” And this school will be guided by America’s values.
That includes all after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever else may become in vogue in a society divided by political correctness.
Your clubs will be based on interests and passions, not blood, ethnic, racial, or other physically defined ties. Those clubs just cultivate narcissism — an unhealthy preoccupation with the self — while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself. So we will have clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, carpentry, and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interested in are those based on ethnic or racial or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.
Second, I am uninterested in whether English is your native language. My only interest in terms of language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America’s citizens for more than 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country. And if you leave this school without excellent English-language skills, I will have been remiss in my duty to ensure that you are prepared to compete successfully in the American job market. We will learn other languages here — it is deplorable that most Americans only speak English — but if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not your school.
Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning’s elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. Many people in our society dress more formally for a meal at a nice restaurant than they do for church or school. These people have their priorities backwards. Therefore, there will be a formal dress code at this school.
Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school’s property — whether in class, in the hallways, or at athletic events. If you can’t speak without using the F-word, you can’t speak. By obscene language I mean the words banned by the Federal Communications Commission plus epithets such as the N-word, even when used by one black student to address another, or “bitch,” even when addressed by a girl to a girlfriend. It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few of your age to distinguish instinctively between the elevated and the degraded, the holy and the obscene.
Fifth, we will end all self-esteem programs. In this school self-esteem will be attained in only one way (the way people attained it until the state of California decided otherwise a generation ago) — by earning it. One immediate consequence is that there will be one valedictorian, not eight.
Sixth, and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and away from politics and propaganda. No more time will be devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment or global warming. No more semesters will be devoted to condom-wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only or primarily a health issue. There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual, or not Christian. We will have failed if any one of you graduates from this school and does not consider him or herself inordinately lucky — to be alive and to be an American.
Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of our country. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.

Art and Literature is where you find it!

2010-07-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve never been know to be a nosy person, but I have discovered something important lately. What I have found out is that some of the best artwork and literature is found in the decorations hanging in the suburban bathroom. The following outstanding work of literature was found artful displayed in a close friends bathroom (I won’t mention any names). It was apparently taken from a book by H. Jackson Brown Jr., and is titled:

Life’s Little Instructions--Vol. II. Believe in love at first sight * Volunteer--sometimes the jobs no one wants conceal big opportunities. * Overpay good baby-sitters * Discipline with a gentle hand * Never laugh at anyone’s dreams * Never drive while holding a cup of hot coffee between your knees * Never be the one to break a family tradition

* Don’t judge people by their relatives * Talk slow, but think quick * Remember the 3 R’s: respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions. * Plant zucchini only if you have lots of friends. * Don’t overlook life’s small joys while searching for the big ones.

Ever so often, invite the person in line behind you to go ahead of you. * Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. * Steer clear of any place that has a “Ladies Welcome” sign in the window. * Always put something in the collection plate. * Do the right thing, regardless of what people think. * Never wash a car, mow a yard or select a Christmas tree after dark. * Don’t confuse comfort with happiness.

* Don’t confuse wealth with success. * Be the first to forgive. * Check for toilet paper before sitting down. * Don’t stop the parade to pick up a dime. * Be an original, if that means being a little eccentric, so be it. * Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values. ]

Everybody deserves a birthday cake. * Never celebrate a birthday without one. * When you say “I love you” mean it. * When you say “I’m sorry,” look the person in the ey.e. * Win without boasting. * Lose without excuses. * Read more books. * Watch less TV

* Every so often let your spirit of adventure triumph over good sense. * Trust in God but lock your car. * Don’t let weeds grow around your dreams.

Never sell your teddy bear, letter sweater of high school yearbooks at a garage sale. You’ll regret it later. Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one. * Don’t eat any meatloaf but your Mom’s. * Learn the rules. Then break some. * Always try the house dressing.

* Never swap your integrity for money, power or fame. Never be ashamed of honest tears. * Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. * When friends offer to help, let them. * Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. * Follow your own star. * Remember the ones who love you. * Go home for the holidays. * Don’t get too big for your britches.

Pets have a tendency to ‘Hog’ all the attention!

2010-06-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

Modern life is full of stress and everyone needs at least one pet they can call their own. Personally I use to have a fat old cocker spaniel named ‘Fergie’ that kept me going for years. Consequently, in the 1980’s it became very fashionable to own an unusual or exotic pet. First it was pet rocks, then couch potatoes, and not surprising pet pigs.

Not the barnyard variety of pigs that are full of steroids and pig pellets, but smart, table mannered miniature porkers that one enterprising Orange County pig breeder is reported to be selling for as much as $2,000 each.

Pet miniature pigs were so popular that one was even featured in a major magazine. It was reported that this pig (Sir Francis Bacon by name), was so intelligent that he would put most newspaper editors to shame. Admittedly knowing newspaper editors as well as I do, I’m not overly impressed by his intelligence.

Anyway, it was reported that Sir Francis was not only housebroken and slept at the foot of his master’s bed, but he also had his favorite TV shows, and was even a Los Angeles Laker fan.

Personally I can understand this fondness for pigs. Remember that great film titled ‘Babe’ about a cute little piglet who gave an Oscar winning performance. Also when I was growing up in Oklahoma, we always had a large pig population on our family farm. If fact some of my earliest memories are of pigs. My Grandfather could always forecast the weather by watching pigs wallowing in a mud hole, and I had the distinction of being one of the pioneers of modifying pig behavior patterns.

It happen this way: All pigs like to scratch themselves. My brother Dillon Jean and I found this out when we were boys. Pigs scratch because they have pig lice. The more the scratch, the more the lean, and if anything leans far enough, it will fall over.

Dillon Jean and I tested this clinical principle out by scratching one fat old sow with a broken hoe handle. Our subject reacted as we had anticipated. She began to lean. It felt wonderful, the pig lice scurried under his bristles to safety and he grunted with relief. Encouraged I scratch harder until, heaving a blissful sigh, down he went.

Pleased with the result, we scratched another, then another, until every pig in the pen was lying down. If one started to get up, one of us flew over with the hoe and scratched him a little, and down he would flop. Being active little devils, we could keep a herd of pigs supine for any length of time. To us, there was no greater sense of power than seeing ight or nine pigs stretched out flat. Scratching pigs was so much fun that it soon became a daily routine.

This sport would probably have gone on indefinitely if my great-aunt Lil hadn’t found pig lice in Dillon Jean’s hair, resulting in a family crisis and both of us being treated with coal oil, now commonly know as kerosene. After that, the magic of playing with pigs faded for us.

What if 20 Million Illegal Aliens Vacated America?

2010-06-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

I, Tina Griego, journalist for the Denver Rocky Mountain News wrote a column titled, "Mexican Visitor's Lament"- 10/25/07.

I interviewed Mexican journalist Evangelina Hernandez while visiting Denver last week. Hernandez said, "illegal aliens pay rent, buy groceries, buy clothes. What Happens to your country's economy if 20 million people go away?" Hummm, I thought, what would happen, so I did my due diligence, buried my nose as a reporter into the FACTS I found below.

It's a good question it deserves an honest answer. Over 80% of Americans demand secured borders and illegal migration stopped. But what would happen if all 20 million or more vacated America? The answers I found may surprise you!

In California, if 3.5 million illegal aliens moved back to Mexico, it would leave an extra $10.2 billion to spend on overloaded school systems, bankrupt hospitals and overrun prisons. It would leave highways cleaner, safer and less congested. Everyone could understand one another as English became the dominant language again.

In Colorado, 500,000 illegal migrants, plus their 300,000 kids and grand-kids would move back 'home', mostly to Mexico. That would save Coloradans an estimated $2 billion (other experts say $7 billion) annually in taxes that pay for schooling, medical, social-services and incarceration costs. It means 12,000

gang members would vanish out of Denver alone.

Colorado would save more than $20 million in prison costs, and the terror that those 7,300 alien criminals set upon local citizens. Denver Officer Don Young and hundreds of Colorado victims would not have suffered death, accidents, rapes and other crimes by illegals.

Denver Public Schools would not suffer a 67% drop-out/flunk-out rate because of thousands of illegal alien students speaking 41 different languages. At least 200,000 vehicles would vanish from our gridlocked cities in Colorado. Denver's 4% unemployment rate would vanish as our working poor would gain jobs at a living wage.

In Florida, 1.5 million illegals would return the Sunshine State back to America, the rule of law, and English.

In Chicago, Illinois, 2.1 million illegals would free up hospitals, schools, prisons and highways for a safer, cleaner and more crime-free experience.

If 20 million illegal aliens returned 'home', the U.S. Economy would return to the rule of law. Employers would hire legal American citizens at a living wage. Everyone would pay their fair share of taxes because they wouldn't be working off the books. That would result in an additional $401 Billion in IRS income taxes collected annually, and an equal amount for local, state and city coffers.

No more push '1' for Spanish or '2' for English. No more confusion in American schools that now must contend with over 100 languages that degrade the educational system for American kids. Our over-crowded schools would lose more than two million illegal alien kids at a cost of billions in ESL and free breakfasts and lunches.

We would lose 500,000 illegal criminal alien inmates at a cost of more than $1.6 billion annually. That includes 15,000 MS-13 gang members who distribute $130 billion in drugs annually would vacate our country.

In cities like L.A., 20,000 members of the '18th Street Gang' would vanish from our nation. No more Mexican forgery gangs for ID theft from Americans! No more foreign rapists and child molesters!

Losing more than 20 million people would clear up our crowded highways and gridlock. Cleaner air and less drinking and driving American deaths by illegal aliens!

America's economy is drained. Taxpayers are harmed. Employers get rich. Over $80 billion annually wouldn't return to the aliens' home countries by cash transfers. Illegal migrants earned half that money untaxed, which further drains America 's economy which currently suffers an $8.7 trillion debt.
$8.7 trillion debt.

At least 400,000 anchor babies would not be born in our country, costing us $109 billion per year per cycle. At least 86 hospitals in California, Georgia and Florida would still be operating instead of being bankrupt out of existence because illegals pay nothing via the EMTOLA Act.

Americans wouldn't suffer thousands of TB and hepatitis cases rampant in our country-brought in by illegals unscreened at our borders.

Our cities would see 20 million less people driving, polluting and grid locking our cities. It would also put the 'progressives' on the horns of a dilemma; illegal aliens and their families cause 11% of our greenhouse gases.

Over one million of Mexico's poorest citizens now live inside and along our border from Brownsville, Texas to San Diego, California in what the New York Times called, 'colonias' or new neighborhoods. Trouble is, those living areas resemble Bombay and Calcutta where grinding poverty, filth, diseases, drugs, crimes, no sanitation and worse. They live without sewage, clean water, streets, roads, electricity, or any kind of sanitation.

The New York Times reported them to be America's new 'Third World' inside our own country. Within 20 years, at their current growth rate, they expect 20 million residents of those colonias. (I've seen them personally in Texas and Arizona; it's sickening beyond anything you can imagine.)

By enforcing our laws, we could repatriate them back to Mexico. We should invite 20 million aliens to go home, fix their own countries and/or make a better life in Mexico. We already invite a million people into our country legally more than all other countries combined annually. We cannot and must not allow anarchy at our borders, more anarchy within our borders and growing lawlessness at every level in our nation. It's time to stand up for our country, our culture, our civilization and our way of life.

Interesting Statistics!

Here are 14 reasons illegal aliens should vacate America, and I hope they are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them:
1. $14 billion to $22 billion dollars are spent each year on welfare to illegal aliens.(that's Billion with a 'B') -http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2. $2.2 billion dollars are spent each year on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens. http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

3. $7.5 billion dollars are spent each year on Medicaid for illegal aliens. http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 billion dollars are spent each year on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they still cannot speak a word of English! http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

5. $27 billion dollars are spent each year for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars 'PER DAY' is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens. That's $1.2 Billion a year. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 28% percent of all federal prison inmates are illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $190 billion dollars are spent each year on illegal aliens for welfare & social services by the American taxpayers. - http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 billion dollars per year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US. http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11. During the year 2005, there were 8 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our southern border with as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from other terrorist countries. Over 10,000 of those were middle-eastern terrorists. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroine, crack, Guns, and marijuana crossed into the U.S.from the southern border. http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12. The National Policy Institute, estimates that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion, or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period and nbsp; -http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute./.org/publications.php?b=deportation

13. In 2006, illegal aliens sent home $65 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin, to their families and friends. http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. The dark side of illegal immigration: Nearly one million sex crimes are committed by illegal immigrants in the United States! http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

Total cost a whopping $538.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!

Food for thought

2010-05-30T13:44:00.001-07:00

Let's put the seniors in jail,
and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to
showers, hobbies, and walks,
they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions,
dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc.
and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring,
so they could be helped instantly if they fell,
or needed assistance..
Bedding would be washed twice a week,
and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes,
and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to
a library, weight room, spiritual counsellings, pool, and education,
simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P. J.'s
and legal aid would be free on request.

Private, secure rooms for all,
with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens.

Each senior could have a computer and T V
and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints,
and the guards would have a code of conduct strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food,
be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm and showers once a week.

Live in a tiny room,
and pay $5000.00 per month
and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all.

It almost happens every Spring!

2010-05-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

You’ve hear of the old saying: “Each Spring a young mans fancy turns to thoughts of love”, or something like that? Well maybe they should also add baseball to that fancy. Anyway, last weekend I made my semi-annual journey to Anaheim Stadium and witnessed the Angels playing the Detroit Tigers. It was a great game, with the Angles’ coming from behind in the 8th and winning 6 to 5.

I like to watch the home plate action so we were sitting directly in back of the batters' box. I expected, as usual, to see the same old, scratching, spiting, and hangover looking ballplayers that made baseball America’s favorite pastime. Or at least the dumpy, wisecracking, know-it-all, over-the-hill ballplayers who always seem to coach at 1st and 3rd bases.

Was I in for a surprise, I must have been in a vacuum or in hibernation for some time. Because now, all professional baseball players look like a young Steve Garvey, before he went Hollywood. They are young, good-looking, well fed with vitamins, cold sober, well built with designer haircuts and most of them look like a stockbroker on the way to the bank. Anyone of them would pass for an actor on “Real People”.

Not one player had a beer-belly hanging over their belts. Not one of them had that hard-hungry, professional look that Catfish Hunter and Johnny Bench had. I couldn’t even detect any chewing tobacco stains on their pants or shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, these bubble-gum chewing professionals are just as good, if not better than those heroes of my youth and the game now is probably played better and is just as exciting.

The final shock of the night was when the plate umpire appeared in a RED SHIRT. Can you believe it, a red shirt on a home plate umpire. They might as well have instant replay of balls and strikes. How can you be tough when someone kicks dirt on your shoe in a red shirt. A red shirt might be OK on a fireman, but not a home plate umpire.

Back in Maude, Oklahoma, we took our baseball seriously. I had some uncles by on my mother’s side of the family who had a family baseball team. Every brother had a special position that they played until aches and pains slowed them down, and then their sons took their places. Personally I was never much of a baseball player. I was always the last player to be selected when we choose up sides for a game.

The first professional major league game that I ever attended was in 1948 when the World Champion Cleveland Indians were playing an exhibition game with their Texas League Farm Club, the Oklahoma City Indians. Satchel Page started the game and Bobby Feller and another guy finished up. Needless to say I was very impressed. I also remember that these ‘World Champion’ guys didn’t look like ‘Fortune 500’ pin-ups. They were just average ballplayers with hangovers and alimony, like the rest of us.

I really shouldn’t complain about what the player look like now. The game is the same and I enjoy it as much as I always have. Computers haven’t changed the rules. You still get three strikes before you are out. Where else in life can you get a guarantee like that.

Thoughts while waiting in line at the Post Office . . .

2010-04-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

J. Edgar Hoover is probably turning over in his grave . . . today I might have discovered one reason why our crime rate might be so high! They have removed all the ‘Wanted Posters’ from most of our Post Offices. No longer while waiting in line to buy stamps can you look at a ‘Rogue’s Gallery’ of black and white wanted posters and say to yourself; “Boy, he looks just like a criminal.” Or, “I sure wouldn’t buy a used car from him!”

For years I have gotten a kick out of examining those sometimes out of focus and foreboding pictures. In a way you could say they also helped me learn to read. My cousin Billy Rae and I would sneak into the post office in our home town of Maude, Okla., and by reading the posters we discovered words like ‘habitual’ or phases like ‘flight to avoid prosecution.’ We even thought the ‘Mann Act’ had something to do with the theater until my older brother told us different. Miss Bolderjack, our third grade teacher could never figure out where some of the new words we tossed about came from.

Unfortunately, today when you go into most Post Offices there’s not an ax murderer or serial killer in sight. All you have to look at are pretty pictures of famous dead movie stars like Lash LaRue or Marilyn or Elvis. As for reading material, you have to be content with Post Office promotions telling you to use overnight Express Mail instead of that unnamed company on the TV commercial.

The postal people tell me they still get the posters, but it’s optional whether they put them up. Don’t get me wrong. I would never, never criticize or take on the U.S. Mail. That would be wrong and un-American and could lead to being investigated by the FBI. I can’t even criticize them for advertising their services, because without newspaper advertising I would not be able to satisfy my golfing addiction.

Even with the posters gone, the United States still has the best and most economically delivery of mail in the world. I even used to work for them in a way when I was overseas in the Army. In a moment of weakness I once volunteered to be temporary company mail clerk in order to get out of guard duty.

The postal officials do have one big problem however. They were a little too fast in putting Elvis on a stamp. He’s not dead, I saw him last week delivering pizza in Moreno Valley.

Don’t be a sticker on new stickers

2010-04-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

Each year our state legislature enacts hundreds of new laws and when you add what local government enacts, it boggles the mind. Don’t get me wrong, not all laws that get passed are wrong. Some of them are necessary for our health and safety, and to keep the wheels of government greased.

For example, just last week I read where a state legislator (who must be unnamed), unsuccessfully tried to get a state ordinance passed that requires new homes to have a disclosures sticker that listed such unnecessary things (in that legislators’ opinion) as developer impact fees, school and water fees and the like. I can’t completely condemn and dismiss this idea. It has some good possibilities if handled in the right way, especially in my hometown. Also, wouldn’t it be great if we had stickers on all public buildings, autos and equipment, telling us pore taxpayers what their costs are.

And taking the sticker idea to its conclusion--Why couldn’t we also put stickers on our elected officials listing what it costs the taxpayers when these elected people come up with muddleheaded laws like this one?

Unfortunately our government is not alone in passing some unnecessary laws. Across the United States there are thousands of out-of-date, no longer enforced, local and state laws concerning dating, marriage, and divorce that no one has ever bothered to remove from the law books. Here are several that I discovered that would not consider being totally without merit:

Indiana law does not allow a man to wear a mustache if he “habitually kisses human beings.

A section of the municipal code in Ottumwa, Iowa: “It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the city, to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted.”

No liquor may be sold to a married man in Cold Springs, Pennsylvania, unless he first obtains the written consent of his wife.

Macon, Georgia, doesn’t allow a man to put his arms around a woman without a legal reason to do so.

Orange County, New York, has a law that forbids a man’s looking at a girl “that way.”

In Lebanon, Tennessee, a husband may not legally shove his wife out of bed, even if her feet are cold. On the other hand, the same law allows a wife to shove her husband out of bed at any time without a reason. (Editor’s note--I personally understand this law. My Honey’s feet are so cold at night that I suspect she might have Eskimo DNA. On the other hand, I don’t complain and have yet to be kicked out of bed.)

In Minnesota it is considered a legal proposal of marriage to do any of the following in the presence of a girl’s mother and father: hug the girl, kiss the girl, or present her with a box of candy.

"I'm 63 and I'm Tired"

2010-03-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

by Robert A. Hall

(Ed. Note--someone sent this to my email address. It's worth reading.)

I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.< /SPAN>

I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe , the freedom of the press of China , the crime and violence of Mexico , the tolerance for Christian people of Iran , and the freedom of speech of Venezuela .

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S . Senators from Illinois.

I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.

I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America , while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizen s we need.

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes m isbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

The worst possible opening sentence for a novel

2010-03-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

This is an article that my Maude High School English Teacher, Miss Emma Bolderjack (not to be confused with her sister, Miss Edna Bolderjack, my fifth grade teacher), would be proud of. I’m going to share some interesting items from my collection of amazing if sometimes useless facts about English grammar and other anecdotes and pleasantries.

From the annual “worst opening sentence” competition conducted by the English Dept. at Oklahoma Lutheran University, to which more than 4,000 entries were submitted from all over the country as well as from Thailand, Kenya, Papua New Guinea, and Saudi Arabia, here is the winner:

“The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with the barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, ”Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you’ll feel my steel through your last meal.”
For that, Clyde Avery of Tuttle, Okla., won a word processor. Second place was so bad that even I won’t print it.

It is not uncommon for our English language to utilize a specific word to describe the plural of certain creatures -- such as a school of fish, a litter of pups, a flock of sheep or a swarm of bees.

Some, of course, are far less used than others -- such as a murder of crows, a pod of seals, a rafter of turkeys, a gang of elk, a fall of woodchucks, a drift of hogs, or a tidings of magpies.

And then there are those yet to be used -- such as a flush of plumbers, a wince of dentist, a piddle of puppies, a wrangle of philosophers, a sneer of butlers, a float of dancers (female), a horde of misers, an ambush of widows, an overcharge of repairmen, a score of bachelors, a slant of journalists, a rascal of boys, a charge of taxis, an ingratitude of children, a click of photographers, a no-no of nannies, a sprinkling of gardeners, or a galaxy of astronomers.

It can go on and on with -- a bunker of gofers, an alley of bowlers, and a line-up of baseball player. Don’t forget our national asset of elected officials just think what we could do with them -- such as a junket of congressmen, a public trough of assemblymembers. And of course, a confusion of columnists.

Oh My Goodness!!!

2010-02-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

READ TO THE VERY END! VERY ENLIGHTENING!!! AND VERY DISTURBING!!!

By Dewie Whetsell, Alaskan Fisherman.
As posted in comments on Greta's article referencing the MOVEON ad about Sarah Palin.

Due lack of space, I've done some simple editing--BW

The last 45 of my 66 years I've spent in a commercial fishing town in Alaska . I understand Alaska politics but never understood national politics well until this last year. Here's the breaking point: Neither side of the Palin controversy gets it. It's not about persona, style, rhetoric, it's about doing things. Even Palin supporters never mention the things that I'm about to mention here.

1. Democrats forget when Palin was the Darling of the Democrats, because as soon as Palin took the Governor's office away from a fellow Republican and tough SOB, Frank Murkowski, she tore into the Republican's "Corrupt Bastards Club" (CBC) and sent them packing. Many of them are now residing in State housing and wearing orange jump suitsThe Democrats reacted by skipping around the yard, throwing confetti and singing, "la la la la" (well, you know how they are). Name another governor in this country that has ever done anything similar.

2. Now with the CBC gone, there were fewer Alaskan politicians to protect the huge, giant oil companies here. So she constructed and enacted a new system of splitting the oil profits called "ACES." Exxon (the biggest corporation in the world) protested and Sarah told them, "don't let the door hit you in the stern on your way out." They stayed, and Alaska residents went from being merely wealthy to being filthy rich.. Of course, the other huge international oil companies meekly fell in line. Again, give me the name of any other governor in the country that has done anything similar.

3. The other thing she did when she walked into the governor's office is she got the list of State requests for federal funding for projects, known as "pork." She went through the list, took 85% of them and placed them in the "when-hell-freezes-over" stack. She let locals know that if we need something built, we'll pay for it ourselves. Maybe she figured she could use the money she got from selling the previous governor's jet because it was extravagant.
Maybe she could use the money she saved by dismissing the governor's cook (remarking that she could cook for her own family), giving back the State vehicle issued to her, maintaining that she already had a car, and dismissing her State provided security force (never mentioning - I imagine - that she's packing heat herself).. I'm still waiting to hear the names of those other governors.

4. Now, even with her much-ridiculed "gosh and golly" mannerism, she also managed to put together a totally new approach to getting a natural gas pipeline built which will be the biggest private construction project in the history of North America. No one else could do it although they tried. If that doesn't impress you, then you're trying too hard to be unimpressed while watching her do things like this while baking up a batch of brownies with her other hand.

5. For 30 years, Exxon held a lease to do exploratory drilling at a place called Point Thompson. They made excuses the entire time why they couldn't start drilling. In truth they were holding it like an investment. No governor for 30 years could make them get started. Then, she told them she was revoking their lease and kicking them out. They protested and threatened court action. She shrugged and reminded them that she knew the way to the court house. Alaska won again.

6. President Obama wants the nation to be on 25% renewable resources for electricity by 2025. Sarah went to the legislature and submitted her plan for Alaska to be at 50% renewables by 2025. We are already at 25%. I can give you more specifics about things done, as opposed to style and persona Everybody wants to be cool, sound cool, look cool.. But that's just a cover-up. I'm still waiting to hear from liberals the names of other governors who can match what mine has done in two and a half years.. I won't be holding my breath.

Make up your own mind about Sarah.

If you've read this far ................................................
First Lady Michelle Obama's Servant List and Pay Scale

First Lady Requires More Than Twenty Attendants

1. $ 172,2000 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)

2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C . (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)

3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary)

4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)

5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

7. $84,000 - Lelyveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)

8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)

9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)

10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)

11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)

12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)

13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Dir ector of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)

14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)

15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)

16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special=2 0Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)

17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)

18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samantha (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)

19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)

21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)

22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
(This is community organizing at it's finest.)

There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life.One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense, when even Hillary, only had three; Jackie Kennedy one ; Laura Bush one ; and prior to Mamie Eisenhowersocial help came from the President's own pocket.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe .

FRIENDS.....THESE SALARIES ADD UP TO SIX MILLION, THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS ($6,364,000)FOR THE 4 YEARS OF OFFICE????? AND WE ARE IN A RECESSION????? WELL....MOST OF US ARE. I GUESS IT'S OK TO SPEND WILDLY WHEN IT'S NOT YOUR OWN MONEY?????Due to

New meaning for words

2010-01-30T10:58:00.000-08:00

My old high school buddy, Prof. Joe Don Riding, who teaches Bible Theology at Eastern Oklahoma Lutheran College, asked his students to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Remember these students want to be ministers. Here’s what they came up with:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

He also asked them to supply alternate meanings for common word:.

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. -

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n.. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Amazing Cucumber

2010-01-16T11:23:00.000-08:00

This information was in TheNewYork Times several weeks ago as part of their "Spotlight on the Home" series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to solve common problems.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation..

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to solve life's everyday problems..

Here at last! 2010 Horoscope!

2009-12-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it’s that time of year again. Everyone has been asking when will our faultless Horoscope be out and here it is. I got one call from a lady of an uncertain age wanting to know what month would be the best time to schedule her upcoming marriage. The same day her to be husband called and threatened me if I set a date. So not everyone is happy with my forecasts. So for better or worse here it is for 2010.

AQUARIUS--Waterman, Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Lucky day Thursday--Unlucky day, any day that ends in day. Lucky number 70. Persons born under this sign are restless, indolent, economical, pleasing and agreeable. Greatest fault is they are perfect.

PISCES--Fishs, Feb. 19 to March 20
Lucky day Monday before noon--Unlucky day Monday afternoon. Lucky number 18. Person born under this sign are natural lovers, fickle, fruitful, easily led, honest, sensitive. Greatest fault is they are always behind in alimony payments.

ARIES--Ram, March 21 to April 20
Lucky day Thursday--Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number 0. Persons born under this sign are noted for their energy, push and executive ability. They are obstinate and independent. Greatest fault is they don’t make good mother-in-laws.

TAURUS--Bull, April 20 to May 21
No lucky day or number for this bunch. They should stay in bed all day. Persons born under this sign are fearless, kind, gentle, strong of mind and body. Greatest fault is not having a lucky day.

GEMINI--Twins, May 21 to June 21
Lucky day Friday--Unlucky day Sunday. Lucky number 2. Persons born under this sign usually have dual personalities. They are skilled at negotiations and crafty. Greatest fault is they make good politicians.

CANCER--Crab, June 21 to July 23
Lucky day Friday between 3 and 4 p.m. Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number 83. Persons born under this sign are endowed with strong determination, intuition and purpose. Greatest fault is they nag their husbands about taking out the trash.

LEO--Lion, July 23 to August 23
Lucky day Sunday. Unlucky day Tues., Lucky number 5. Persons born under this sign are faithful, courteous, brave and enthusiastic. Greatest fault is they keep bugging their neighbors to publish junk like this in his blog.

VIRGO--Virgin, August 23 to September 23
Lucky day Saturday night. Unlucky day Sunday. Lucky number 85. Persons born under this sign are systematic, loyal and generous. Greatest fault is they can’t say no.

LIBRA--Balance, Sept. 23 to Oct. 23
Lucky day Friday. Unlucky day Sat. Lucky number 63. Persons born under this sign are well-balanced, handsome, graceful, tasteful and make good blog columnist. Greatest fault is they are faultless.

SCORPIO--Scorpion, Oct. 23 to Nov. 22
Lucky day Tuesday, Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number .005. Persons born under this sign are self-controlled, courageous, polite and courteous. Greatest fault is they won’t keep the door shut and let to many flies in.

SAGITTARIUS--Archer,Nov. 22 to Dec. 22
Every day is lucky, expect Christmas Day. Lucky number is 3. Persons born under this sign are impulsive, honest, quick and fond of sports. Greatest fault is they never get birthday presents because they were born to close to Christmas Day.

CAPRICORN--Goat. Dec. 22 to Jan. 20
Lucky day is Friday the 13. Lucky number is 1040. Persons born under this sign are economical, careful, secretive, resourceful and usually make good IRS Agents. Greatest fault is they usually are IRS Agents.

Annual Christmas Card verse contest winner!

2009-12-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of year to announce the winner of my annual “Best Christmas Card Verse Contest.” Every year I consider it my duty to search out a bit of pose that, in my opinion, sets the mood for the Holiday season.

Personally, I love to get Christmas Cards and I delight in reading their cute verses. I always keep a very accurate list of those who send me cards, so I can return the favor the next year. I firmly believe that if Longfellow or Shelley were alive today, they would be in Nashville writing songs or in New York City writing verses for greeting cards. I use to worry about how we would get rid of all the surplus wire coat hangers, but now there are so many Christmas cards sent each year, that someday we will have to send bundle them up and shoot them into space.

This year’s winning verse is longer than usual. Technically it’s not really a verse on a card, but was actually a typewritten sheet of paper inserted into the card sent to a dear friend. Also it might have been published elsewhere, but it is new to me:

MY CHRISTMAS BOOK
By Anonymous

There is a list of folks I know
All written in a book,
And every year at Christmas time
I go and take a look.
And that is when I realize that
These names are a part
Not of the book they’re written in
But of my very heart.

For each name stands for someone
Who has touched by life sometime,
And in that meeting they’ve become
The “Rhythm of the Rhyme.”
I really feel I am composed
Of each remembered name,
And while you may not be aware
Of feeling quite the same,
My life is so much better
Than it was before you came.

For once that you have known someone
The years cannot erase
The memory of a pleasant word
or of a friendly face.
So never think my Christmas cards
Are just a mere routine
Of names upon a list
Forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas card
That is addressed to you,
It is because you’re on that list
Of folks I’m indebted to.

And whether I’ve know you
for many years or few,
In some way you have had a part
In shaping things I do.
So every year when Christmas comes
I just realize anew
The biggest gift that God can give
Is knowing folks like you!

Now that the judging of this award is out of the way, I can concentrate on trying to remember what I did with the list of people who sent me cards last year.

Divining the Waters

2009-11-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

Ask your friends if they’ve ever heard of rhabdomancy and chances are they will give you a blank stare. But if you mention water witching or divining, you’ll find a lot of folks know what you are talking about. The art of divining for water and other materials goes back to ancient times and no one knows just where it originated.

I have personally seen divining in action, and the best dowser (what we called them in Okla.), was my Grandpa Young on my mother’s side of the family. Most of the water wells in Maude, were located by him.

Grandpa was really good and he always said that a hazel stick was the only rod he used, but in a pinch a willow or peach rod would work. I’ve heard of dowsers who used welding rods, coat hangers or even buggy whips. However, Grandpa always said that natural material were best.

Before he started he would dip the end of the stick in water and grasp the two ends in his hands and start roaming over a likely area. After a while, if he was lucky, the butt-end of the stick would start bobbing up and down when he was over water. He claimed that he could always tell how far down the water was located by the shaking of the stick.

This ability to find water by means of a divining rod is a gift that only a few posses. It can’t be taught or acquired, but it sometimes runs in families. I’ve tried it several times , but I just don’t seem to have the talent.

No only water, but other things can be found by witching. Family legend (not verified, but a good story) has it that one time old Mr. Burton who made the best corn whiskey in Pottowatamine County and originally farmed the section next to our place in Maude, got sick and thought he was going to die. It seems that Mr. Burton wanted to ‘take it with him’, so before he went to the hospital he buried 50 gallons of his best vintage somewhere on his property for safe keeping. Well, lo and behold, he did up and die without telling anyone where he’d buried all that good stuff.

His son, Sid Burton, according to legend, offered Grandpa $5 to locate the whiskey. Grandpa said that he figured Mr. Burton was drunk when he buried his stash, so when he started witching, he concentrated on a 100-yard radius around Mr. Burton’s still.

Grandpa Young claimed that he located the whiskey in less that 30 minutes. He said what really helped him, was that he repeatedly dipped his stick in whiskey so he wouldn’t be bothered with water reading. Grandpa said he really hated to take Sid’s money, beings he was now an orphan, so he just settled for a gallon of whiskey. Grandpa was a teetotaler, so he gave the booze to Grandmother Young to use in her cold and rheumatism medicine.

"Be kind to cvil Servant Month"

2009-11-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

Well, we’ve survived another local election. I take my hat off to all the candidates, winners and losers. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself on the line and have your neighbors approve of you.

To celebrate the end of a another political season, I want to propose that the rest of this month be declared as: “Be kind to a civil servant month !” Everyone else has their month, and as far as know civil servants have been left out, so why not.

I also propose that we include paid government staffs in this proclamation. Be they city, county, state or federal. This later group has taken a lot of shots lately, they have been accused of everything from not teaching Johnny to read, to cheating on their golf scores.

To be fair and honest, improprieties by public servants do surface from time to time. However, a large part usually can be laid on understaffing or untrained personnel or uninformed elected officials. But, on the balance, these civil servants are guilty of far less infractions that their fellow citizens in the private sector.

One example of some of the good they do for society is while on the public payroll, they have made some important technological breakthrough. Just a few of those inventions or systems are:

• The CATscam. which enables doctors to diagnose cancer, brain disorders, and other diseases;
• Plastic wrap, used in covering food at stores and a home;

• Teflon, the non-stick coating found on many home cooking utensils;

• Plastic corneas, which have given eyesight back to thousands of people suffering from disease affecting their eyes;

• Solid state technology, which has brought us transistor radios and miniature TVs;

• Titanim, and other new, stronger, light metals;

• Advanced fishing nets, which allow fishermen to increase their catches by 30 percent;

• Lasers, which are being used for many varied things in medical science and etc.;
• The first computer;

• Power from nuclear fission’s;

• Many designs of commercial and military aircraft;Instrument landing systems used by airports all over the world.

Inventiveness by American’s public servants has helped to make our nation a world leader in industry, the military and agriculture.

So remember, the next time you criticize a DMV clerk or a receptionist at city hall, hold your tongue. He or she might be working on a cure for the common cold.

Therefore, by the power invested in me (by being a member of the fourth estate). I hereby proclaim the rest of this month as: “BE KIND TO A CIVIL SERVANT MONTH!”

Triskaidees still around

2009-11-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

For us poor souls who have Triskaidees, (not a new type of AIDS, but fear of the number 13), 2009 was a good year. Only three months, January, February and this month, November, had a Friday the 13th.

Is our fear of the number 13 justified? Is there something, somewhere that makes this number unlucky? Have you ever been on an elevator and noticed that there is no 13th floor? Wanting to find out ‘just the facts’ I consulted that wealth of knowledge,”The Old Farmer’s Almanac.” What I found out still confuses me, but I’ll let you be the judge. For example:

Some 740,000 pounds of paper fluttered down around Charles Lindbergh during a ticker-tape parade in New York City on June 13, 1927. That was lucky for Lindy, but less lucky for New York City Street Sweepers.

On July 13, 1865, Horace Greeley said, “Go west, young man.” On July 13, 1881, Billy the Kid was shot dead in New Mexico. On July 13, 1930, the first TV broadcast was aired. Was that good luck or bad? It all depends of if you have watched "Spouse Swap" recently.

Francis Scott Key wrote The Star Spangled Banner, on Sept. 13, 1814 -- very good luck, unless you go to a baseball game where Rosanne Baar is schedule to sing it. On a Friday the 13, President Richard Nixon nominated Gerald Ford to replace Spiro Agnew as Vice President. That was lucky for Mr. Ford and who can say how lucky it was for President Nixon. All in all, Friday the 13th has a mixed record, historically speaking.

On the other hand, there are those who consider the number 13 quite lucky. For example in the old days, some theatrical people insisted on signing all contracts on the 13th. Also, in Great Britain, was considered lucky to eat Christmas pudding in 13 different home before New Years’ Day. It was supposed to bring good luck and prosperity in the New Year.

Former President Eisenhower was considered to be a very lucky general and politician. He was even made an honorary president of Missouri’s Lucky 13 Club, consisting of that state’s (at that time) 13 presidential electors. They even liked the fact that ‘Ike” Eisenhower has 13 letters.

In fact, the USA is so full of lucky 13ths that even the most superstitious politicians should put their minds at ease. There were 13 original colonies, and the Great Seal of the United States contains 13 stars, 13 bars, and an eagle with 13 tail feathers, holding 13 arrows and 13 olive branches. E Pluribus Unum even has 13 letters.

These success stories might calm some people, but us ‘Triskaidees’ are not so easily convinced. For example look at many-times presidential candidate Jessie Jackson. His name has 13 letters (count‘em), and you wouldn’t consider him real lucky at politics.

Raffling Mules

2009-10-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night".

Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back. "The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule. "The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off. "The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?" They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.

"The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

Limit all US politicians to two terms.
One in office
One in prison
Illinois already does this!

Sleepless in Yucaipa

2009-10-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

My neighbor Frederick and I share more than just a back fence. Both of us are free with advice to each other, and I have to admit that my advice is usually better. However, every once in a while he comes up with something worth passing on to my readers.

It all started last week when he was relating to me how he and his wife were in the habit of clipping interesting articles from the Daily Planet and taping them on their shared bathroom mirror.

He told me that with the best of intention, he happened to post this jewel from ‘Dear Abby” or someone, which ended with “Most wives don’t look like Sharon Stone, so make the best of what you have . . . flirt with him like you suspect his secretary does . . . he’ll love it! -- Happy in Little Rock.”

Frederick said nothing happen for days and then one morning he found a clipping taped on the mirror that read: “My husband raises the dead with his snoring. I’ve read that heavy snorers can endanger their health. Will anything stop this constant sleep noise? -- Separate Rooms in Tulsa.”

I knew Frederick needed help, so I could hardly wait to tell him about this doctor I saw on Oprah that dealt with this very problem. The doctor pointed out that there are generally no ill effects from snoring. Unless you are suffering from sleep apnea, a condition in which sleepers can stop breathing for as long as two minutes.

Indirect effects are another matter said the doctor. He cited this guy who came home late from a Moose Lodge meeting. he was slightly intoxicated and managed to get undressed and into bed without waking his wife. Later his snoring woke her up, she smelled booze on his breath and hit him with a flower pot. The doctor said this was one example of indirect effect.

The doctor went on to say that more than 400 anti-snoring devices have been patented -- everything from gags to nose straps. Hypnotism, acupuncture and magic spells have been tried. He said the Japanese have perfected the most successful surgery -- its called Uvulopalaopasty, and its very expensive. But, the doctors said, if you can’t afford the surgery there is hope because everyone snores, actors, politicians, the rich and the poor. Some of the more famous snorers are Winston Churchill and Jessie Jackson.

Two days later I asked Frederick if any of my information helped his cause. He told me that he pointed out to his wife that he was in a good crowd of snorers. Even Former President Bill Clinton snored and Hillary never made him sleep in the Oval Office. She commended back to him that Hillary had to handle her own problems.

Later Frederick said they went to bed, his wife fell asleep immediately and he finally dozed off trying not to snore. The next morning she was gone, her blanket was gone, and he was nearly frozen. He later found a note taped on his side of the mirror that said. “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.”

Letter to Washington,D.C.

2009-10-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. President:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not..

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.

4.. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch..

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer. ''

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13.. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16.. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Pets have a tendency to ‘Hog’ all the attention

2009-09-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

Modern life is full of stress and everyone needs at least one pet they can call their own. Personally I used to have a fat old cocker spaniel named ‘Fergie’ that kept me going for years. I also remember back in the 1980’s when it was very fashionable to own an unusual or exotic pet. First it was pet rocks, then couch potatoes, and not surprising pet pigs.

Not the barnyard variety of pigs that are full of steroids and pig pellets, but smart, table mannered miniature porkers that one enterprising Orange County pig breeder was reported to be selling for as much as $2,000 each.

Pet miniature pigs were so popular that one was even featured in a major magazine. It was reported that this pig (Sir Francis Bacon by name), was so intelligent that he would put most newspaper editors to shame. Admittedly having known many newspaper editors, I’m not overly impressed by that ability.

Anyway, it was reported that Sir Francis was not only housebroken and slept at the foot of his master’s bed, but he also had his favorite TV shows, and was even a Los Angeles Laker fan. Personally I can understand this fondness for pigs. Remember the great film about a cute little piglet named ‘Babe’ who gave an Oscar winning performance.

Growing up on an Oklahoma dry-land farm, we always raised a lot of pigs. If fact some of my earliest memories are of pigs. My Grandfather could always forecast the weather by watching how pigs wallow in a mud-hole, and I had the distinction of being one of the pioneers of modifying pig behavior patterns.

It happened this way: All pigs like to scratch. In fact if you don’t keep an eye on them they’ll scratch themselves right out of the pig pen. Also pigs scratch because they have pig lice. My brother Dillon Jean and I discovered this when we were boys. The more they scratch, the more the lean, and if anything leans far enough, it will fall over.

Dillon Jean and I tested this clinical principle out by scratching one fat old sow with a broken hoe handle. Our subject reacted as we had anticipated. She began to lean . . . it felt wonderful, the pig lice scurried under her bristles to safety and she grunted with relief. Encouraged I scratch harder until, heaving a blissful sigh, down she went.

Pleased with the result, we scratched another, then another, until every pig in the pen was lying down. If one started to get up, one of us flew over with the hoe and scratched him a little, and down he would flop. Being active little devils, we could keep a herd of pigs supine for any length of time. To us, there was no greater sense of power than seeing eight or nine pigs stretched out flat. Scratching pigs was so much fun that it soon became a daily routine.

This sport would probably have gone on indefinitely had not my great-aunt Lil found some pig lice in Dillon Jean’s hair. This resulted in a family crisis and both of us being treated with coal oil soap. After that, the magic of playing with pigs faded for us.

Part-time California Legislature

2009-08-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

The Briar Patch has decided it is time to quit gripping and do something about the do-nothing jerks we have in the California Legislature. Both parties are to blame. The following information is from the “Citizens for California Reform.” On their website (www.reformcal.com) you can also download petitions to gather signatures.

“Since statehood, California has experimented with how frequently and for what periods of time the Legislature should meet in session. Sessions have been one year or two years, limited and unlimited in duration, with and without mandatory intervening recesses, and limited to certain legislative matters during specific types of legislative sessions.

“The biggest change came in 1966 when California voters enacted a sweeping revision of the State Constitution, including a provision providing for a full-time Legislature with no limitation on the duration of a legislative session.

“Our full-time Legislature has failed the people of California. The result is a Legislature dominated by career politicians beholden to special interests. A part-time Legislature will replace professional politicians with citizen legislators and break the stranglehold of these special interests.

“Full-time politicians are completely out of touch with the people they represent. By shortening the legislative season, we will take power away from Sacramento and return it to our local communities to ensure that legislators have a better sense of the needs of their communities.

Citizens for California Reform has filed proposed ballot initiative language with the state’s Attorney General to create a part-time, citizen-legislature.

“The Citizen Legislature Act outlines a legislative session, which will convene in regular session on the first Monday in January of each year for a period not to exceed 30 calendar days. The Legislature will then reconvene in regular session on the first Monday in May for a period not to exceed 60 calendar days.

Frequently Asked Questions

"What is a Citizen Legislature? A Citizen Legislature is composed of every-day citizens, not professional politicians, who meet on a part-time basis to pass the state budget and consider new legislation.

"Why does California need a Citizen Legislature? California’s experiment with a “full-time” Legislature has failed. The result has been a legislature dominated by career politicians beholden to special interests that continually fails to accomplish their most important job, passing a balanced state budget on time.

"How will a Citizen Legislature help California? A Citizen Legislature will break the stranglehold of special interests, provide Californians with better representation and shakeup the status quo in Sacramento. It will also reduce the number of unnecessary and self-servicing bills and will result in a more responsible and accountable government institution.

"Is California too big for a Part-Time Citizen Legislature? No, but California is too big for a legislature that fails year after year to pass an on time budget and is no long responsive to the people. Most states have a part-time Legislature, including some of the largest and most populous.

Proposed Changes
"What part of the constitution does the Citizen Legislature Initiative change? Section 3.5 of Article IV will be modified to allow the Legislature to meet for a maximum of 30 calendar days in January, followed by a maximum of 60 days in May, with an optional five days to reconvene to consider bills vetoed by the Governor.

"How often does the California legislature meet now? Currently there is no limit on the amount of time that the California legislature can meet. In 2007 and 2008 the legislature worked around 130 days each year.

"Who will decide what the salary for the Citizen Legislature? The Citizen’s Compensation Board will continue to make that determination.

Initiative Process
"Citizens for California Reform filed the initiative. Who are they? Citizens for California Reform is a non-partisan public interest advocacy organization. Its goal is to improve the quality of life in California by advancing a more limited and transparent state government. When will the Citizen Legislature Act be on the ballot? The Citizen Legislature Act will appear on the November 2010 ballot."

What about you? I'm getting my petition ready to circulate.

Peace and Hominy Grits to everyone!

2009-08-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

And as a result of my recent visit back home to Maude, Oklahoma, I was reminded that there is an indeterminate geographic “grits line” somewhere South of the Kansas-Oklahoma state border. North of it when your order breakfast, you usually get hash browns. But south of the ‘grits line” when you order breakfast it comes with grits whether you like them or not.

Hominy grits have been around for a long time. Most adult males of a certain age know all about grits. That’s because they were exposed to them while in the service. Most Army bases used to be located in the South, so if you went off post and had breakfast, you had grits.

Grits don’t have much nutritional value, they aren’t much to look at, and they don’t have a lot of taste. But they do go down smooth and fill an empty morning stomach with a broad, comfortable blandness. Ham and eggs with a side of grits could possible hold the key to eternal happiness.

For the those readers who have never benefited from being exposed to grits a little education could be helpful. Grits start as hard shelled corn. It requires a boiling bath in a mixture of water and lye to eat away or separate the indigestible hull of each kernel before it is ever considered for human consumption. Rinsed many time to remove the lye, the grain is then cooked for several hours until the whole kernels are soft, making hominy, or dried and ground to a consistency just short of the fineness of cornmeal, making “raw” grits. At this stage, the substance is portable and its preparation is so easy and fast that it has to be the forerunner of “fast food”: you just add water, salt to taste and boil until done. The finished product look a lot like ‘Cream of Wheat’ breakfast cereal.

You either love grits or hate them. There is not middle ground. One of the benefits of eating grits (According to a rumor going around in the late 1940’s) was that they sopped up any radiation your body might have accumulated.

My mother had five sisters. They all lived fairly close when I was growing up and the six were pretty much divided down the middle on the use of homemade grits or store bought grits. Thank God, my mother was on the store bought side and the grits we ate at home were always consistent in taste and texture.

Aunt Mary Sue on the other hand went all out for homemade grits. In her backyard she had a ten gallon iron pot to boil her grits in. It would sit on three rocks with a fire under it. My cousin Joel Don was in charge of keeping the fire going and keeping the mess stirred up. He always tried to be sick or something when Aunt Mary Sue made grits. He would spend the whole day carrying water and emptying out the iron pot. Joel Don claimed making grits was worst than wash day, but I didn’t believe it. Aunt Mary Sue’s grits were not popular with my brother and I because they were always lumpy and had a acrid aftertaste of lye and ash.

Over the years I have lost my taste for grits and nowadays I can take them or leave them. However, whenever I do have them, it’s like a stroll down memory lane.

Is It Made In The USA?

2009-08-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Check this out. The Biiar Patch received this interesting tidbit the other day from a Kiwanis buddy. We think it says a lot about what is happening to the economy.

"A friend of mine was in Lowes the other day and just for the heck of it she was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China . The next day she was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it she checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA"

So start looking.

"In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even their job. So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track. Let's get behind her! My grandson likes Hershey's candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more. My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico now.. I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything."

"This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off brand labeled, "Everyday Value.." I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats - they were the same except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland, Ohio."

"So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here. So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets....yep, you guessed it, Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price! My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - shopping may take just a little longer, but the job you save may be your own, a family member's or your neighbors.If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies! (We should have awakened a decade ago...) Let's get with the program... Help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A."

"And when you go to check out at the grocery store… or any store for that matter… do not use the auto check out… go through the line using a live, standing there cashier. You will be saving someone a job. We need to think of these things… you never know… the job you save may be yours, your son or daughter’s or a relative."

2009-08-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

How to speak OKlahoman

The University of Oklahoma football season is just around the corner, so for all those wantabe Okies out there, it’s time for The Briar Patch to release secret family information on “How to Speak Oklahoman.” Remember in football if you first teach your opponents to speak the language, then their hearts and minds will follow.

FOE (noun)--More than three.
BECON (noun)--A pork product that’s good at breakfast.
PLAY-IT (noun). A serving device that you use with a knife and fork. "Honey ... git me another play-it of beckon and aigs"
AINT (noun)--The sister of one of your parents. "Come over here an give your aint some sugar."
ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant. "I sure hope my brotherin-law puts all in my pickup truck."
ARGON (noun)--Northwestern state where it rains a lot. "You from Yurp?" "Nah ... I's from Argon."
AWDUH (noun)--Obedience to the law. "The Marshal brought law an awduh to the town."
BAHS (noun)--A supervisor. "If you don't stop reading these Okie words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
BALD (adjective/verb)--Cooked in very hot water. "Bring me some bald shrimp and another moon pah!"
BIDNESS (noun)--A commercial venture.
OWNNA (phrase)--"Ah'm ownna git me inta tha Moon Pie bidness!"
BLEEVE (verb)--To accept as true. "Ah bleeve ah'll have another moon pah!"
BOB WAR (noun)--A sharp, twisted cable. "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
CHICK (verb)--To inspect or monitor.
URAL (noun)--Petroleum product belonging to the person being addressed. Usage: "Chick ural, mistah?"
CLINICS (noun)--A brand-name paper tissue. "I'd best git me a box of clinics before I sneeze agin."
COAL (noun)--A common sickness. "I aint coming to work ... I has a coal."
COAT (noun)--A legal gathering. "All rise ... this coat is now in owduh"
EAR (noun)—A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
FAR (noun)--A conflagration. "If my brother-in-law doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
FARD (verb)--Terminated. "Bubba don't work here no more ... we fard him."
FARN (adjective)--Not local. "I cudnt unnerstand a word he sed ... must be from some farn country."
FAWL (noun)--Aluminum wrap for storage of food items. "Could you please wrap my leftover chicken livers in fawl?"
FAY-IR (verb)--Anxious concern. "The only thing we have to fay-ir is fay-ir itself!"
FRAIZIN (noun)--Not warm. "Shut dat dar winda, it's fraizin in here."
FRAUD (adjective)--Cooked in oil. "That Southern fraud chicken sure was good."
FUSSED (adjective)--A premier position. "You been here before?" "Nah ... this is my fussed time."
GROAN (noun)--To increase in size. "My, how you've groan!"
HERBAL (adjective)--Terrible, awful. "He's got hisself into one herbal mess."
HOWSCUM (a question)-- "Howscum Bubba tore down the bob war fence?
LAYMAN (noun)--A tart fruit. " Sugar, git me some more of that layman aid!"
LILAC (verb)--An untruth. "He's a nice enough feller, but he can lilac a dog!"
LOWERED (noun)--A deity. "Lowered, bless this pick up truck and don’t let my brother-in-law wreck it."
MILL (noun)--Food consumed during a certain time period.
Usage: "Bubba, turn off Hee-Haw and eat yur mill!"
MUNTS (noun)--A calendar division. "My brother-in-law bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
PA (noun)--A baked pastry dish. "This pecan pa is the best ah ever et."
PRIOR (noun)--A talk with God. "As long as teachers continue to give their students tests, there will be prior in school!"
RAFFLE (noun)-A firearm. "Son, fetch me ma raffle."
RANCH (noun)--A tool. "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother-in-law bard a few munts ago."
RETARD (verb)--To stop working. "My granpaw retard at age 65."
SURP (noun)--What you put on pancakes or waffles. "Pass me the surp!"
TAR (noun)--A rubber wheel. "Gee, I hope that brother-in-law of mine doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE (noun)--A tall monument. "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime."
TUBAFOR (noun)--Lumber. "Don't make me have to whomp ya upside the head with a tubafor!"
YURP (noun)--A collection of countries located across the Atlantic Ocean from 'Marika. "The QE2 takes you from New York to Yurp."