Hot off the press---2013 Horoscope

                   The author of this blog does not hold astrology to be an exact science, but my next door neighbor Frederick does. Therefore to cover all bets, we publish the following horoscope that Frederick annually compiles. We offer no guarantees and most certainly we are not responsible for any idiot who takes his advice seriously. His main source of information seems to have been: 1. His mother-in-law; 2. Flipping a coin; 3. His personal library consisting of back issues of Playboy Magazine, with many notations in the margins such as ‘wow’ -- ‘well written!’ and ‘I didn’t know that.’ So with apologies to all, here it is:

            AQUARIUS--Waterman, Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Lucky day Thursday--Unlucky day, any day that ends in day. Lucky number 70. Persons born under this sign are restless, indolent, economical, pleasing and agreeable. Greatest fault is they are perfect.

             PISCES--Fishs, Feb. 19 to March 20 Lucky day Monday before noon--Unlucky day Monday afternoon. Lucky number 18. Person born under this sign are natural lovers, fickle, fruitful, easily led, honest, sensitive. Greatest fault is they are always behind in alimony payments.

              ARIES--Ram, March 21 to April 20 Lucky day Thursday--Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number 0. Persons born under this sign are noted for their energy, push and executive ability. They are obstinate and independent. Greatest fault is they don’t make good mother-in-laws.

               TAURUS--Bull, April 20 to May 21 No lucky day or number for this bunch. They should stay in bed all day. Persons born under this sign are fearless, kind, gentle, strong of mind and body. Greatest fault is not having a lucky day.

                GEMINI--Twins, May 21 to June 21 Lucky day Friday--Unlucky day Sunday. Lucky number 2. Persons born under this sign usually have dual personalities. They are skilled at negotiations and crafty. Greatest fault is they make good politicians.

                CANCER--Crab, June 21 to July 23 Lucky day Friday between 3 and 4 p.m. Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number 83. Persons born under this sign are endowed with strong determination, intuition and purpose. Greatest fault is they nag their husbands about taking out the trash.

                 LEO--Lion, July 23 to August 23 Lucky day Sunday. Unlucky day Tues., Lucky number 5. Persons born under this sign are faithful, courteous, brave and enthusiastic. Greatest fault is they keep bugging their neighbors to publish junk like this in his blog.

                 VIRGO--Virgin, August 23 to September 23 Lucky day Saturday night. Unlucky day Sunday. Lucky number 85. Persons born under this sign are systematic, loyal and generous. Greatest fault is they can’t say no.

                 LIBRA--Balance, Sept. 23 to Oct. 23 Lucky day Friday. Unlucky day Sat. Lucky number 63. Persons born under this sign are well-balanced, handsome, graceful, tasteful and make good newspaper columnist. Greatest fault is they are faultless.

                SCORPIO--Scorpion, Oct. 23 to Nov. 22 Lucky day Tuesday, Unlucky day Monday. Lucky number .005. Persons born under this sign are self-controlled, courageous, polite and courteous. Greatest fault is they won’t keep the door shut and let in many flies in.

                SAGITTARIUS--Archer,Nov. 22 to Dec. 22 Every day is lucky, expect Christmas Day. Lucky number is 3. Persons born under this sign are impulsive, honest, quick and fond of sports. Greatest fault is they never get birthday presents because they were born to close to Christmas Day.

                CAPRICORN--Goat. Dec. 22 to Jan. 20 Lucky day is Friday the 13. Lucky number is 1040. Persons born under this sign are economical, careful, secretive, resourseful and usually make good IRS Agents. Greatest fault is they usually are IRS Agents.

Art and Literature is where you find it!

I’ve never been know to be a nosy person, but I have discovered something important lately. What I have found out is that some of the best artwork and literature is found in the decorations hanging in the suburban bathroom. The following outstanding work of literature was found artful displayed in a close friends bathroom (I won’t mention any names). It was apparently taken from a book by H. Jackson Brown Jr., and is titled:

Life’s Little Instructions--Vol. II. Believe in love at first sight * Volunteer--sometimes the jobs no one wants conceal big opportunities. * Overpay good baby-sitters * Discipline with a gentle hand * Never laugh at anyone’s dreams * Never drive while holding a cup of hot coffee between your knees * Never be the one to break a family tradition

* Don’t judge people by their relatives * Talk slow, but think quick * Remember the 3 R’s: respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions. * Plant zucchini only if you have lots of friends. * Don’t overlook life’s small joys while searching for the big ones.

Ever so often, invite the person in line behind you to go ahead of you. * Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. * Steer clear of any place that has a “Ladies Welcome” sign in the window. * Always put something in the collection plate. * Do the right thing, regardless of what people think. * Never wash a car, mow a yard or select a Christmas tree after dark. * Don’t confuse comfort with happiness.

* Don’t confuse wealth with success. * Be the first to forgive. * Check for toilet paper before sitting down. * Don’t stop the parade to pick up a dime. * Be an original, if that means being a little eccentric, so be it. * Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values. ]

Everybody deserves a birthday cake. * Never celebrate a birthday without one. * When you say “I love you” mean it. * When you say “I’m sorry,” look the person in the ey.e. * Win without boasting. * Lose without excuses. * Read more books. * Watch less TV

* Every so often let your spirit of adventure triumph over good sense. * Trust in God but lock your car. * Don’t let weeds grow around your dreams.

Never sell your teddy bear, letter sweater of high school yearbooks at a garage sale. You’ll regret it later. Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one. * Don’t eat any meatloaf but your Mom’s. * Learn the rules. Then break some. * Always try the house dressing.

* Never swap your integrity for money, power or fame. Never be ashamed of honest tears. * Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. * When friends offer to help, let them. * Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. * Follow your own star. * Remember the ones who love you. * Go home for the holidays. * Don’t get too big for your britches.

Pets have a tendency to ‘Hog’ all the attention!

Modern life is full of stress and everyone needs at least one pet they can call their own. Personally I use to have a fat old cocker spaniel named ‘Fergie’ that kept me going for years. Consequently, in the 1980’s it became very fashionable to own an unusual or exotic pet. First it was pet rocks, then couch potatoes, and not surprising pet pigs.

Not the barnyard variety of pigs that are full of steroids and pig pellets, but smart, table mannered miniature porkers that one enterprising Orange County pig breeder is reported to be selling for as much as $2,000 each.

Pet miniature pigs were so popular that one was even featured in a major magazine. It was reported that this pig (Sir Francis Bacon by name), was so intelligent that he would put most newspaper editors to shame. Admittedly knowing newspaper editors as well as I do, I’m not overly impressed by his intelligence.

Anyway, it was reported that Sir Francis was not only housebroken and slept at the foot of his master’s bed, but he also had his favorite TV shows, and was even a Los Angeles Laker fan.

Personally I can understand this fondness for pigs. Remember that great film titled ‘Babe’ about a cute little piglet who gave an Oscar winning performance. Also when I was growing up in Oklahoma, we always had a large pig population on our family farm. If fact some of my earliest memories are of pigs. My Grandfather could always forecast the weather by watching pigs wallowing in a mud hole, and I had the distinction of being one of the pioneers of modifying pig behavior patterns.

It happen this way: All pigs like to scratch themselves. My brother Dillon Jean and I found this out when we were boys. Pigs scratch because they have pig lice. The more the scratch, the more the lean, and if anything leans far enough, it will fall over.

Dillon Jean and I tested this clinical principle out by scratching one fat old sow with a broken hoe handle. Our subject reacted as we had anticipated. She began to lean. It felt wonderful, the pig lice scurried under his bristles to safety and he grunted with relief. Encouraged I scratch harder until, heaving a blissful sigh, down he went.

Pleased with the result, we scratched another, then another, until every pig in the pen was lying down. If one started to get up, one of us flew over with the hoe and scratched him a little, and down he would flop. Being active little devils, we could keep a herd of pigs supine for any length of time. To us, there was no greater sense of power than seeing ight or nine pigs stretched out flat. Scratching pigs was so much fun that it soon became a daily routine.

This sport would probably have gone on indefinitely if my great-aunt Lil hadn’t found pig lice in Dillon Jean’s hair, resulting in a family crisis and both of us being treated with coal oil, now commonly know as kerosene. After that, the magic of playing with pigs faded for us.

It almost happens every Spring!

You’ve hear of the old saying: “Each Spring a young mans fancy turns to thoughts of love”, or something like that? Well maybe they should also add baseball to that fancy. Anyway, last weekend I made my semi-annual journey to Anaheim Stadium and witnessed the Angels playing the Detroit Tigers. It was a great game, with the Angles’ coming from behind in the 8th and winning 6 to 5.

I like to watch the home plate action so we were sitting directly in back of the batters' box. I expected, as usual, to see the same old, scratching, spiting, and hangover looking ballplayers that made baseball America’s favorite pastime. Or at least the dumpy, wisecracking, know-it-all, over-the-hill ballplayers who always seem to coach at 1st and 3rd bases.

Was I in for a surprise, I must have been in a vacuum or in hibernation for some time. Because now, all professional baseball players look like a young Steve Garvey, before he went Hollywood. They are young, good-looking, well fed with vitamins, cold sober, well built with designer haircuts and most of them look like a stockbroker on the way to the bank. Anyone of them would pass for an actor on “Real People”.

Not one player had a beer-belly hanging over their belts. Not one of them had that hard-hungry, professional look that Catfish Hunter and Johnny Bench had. I couldn’t even detect any chewing tobacco stains on their pants or shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, these bubble-gum chewing professionals are just as good, if not better than those heroes of my youth and the game now is probably played better and is just as exciting.

The final shock of the night was when the plate umpire appeared in a RED SHIRT. Can you believe it, a red shirt on a home plate umpire. They might as well have instant replay of balls and strikes. How can you be tough when someone kicks dirt on your shoe in a red shirt. A red shirt might be OK on a fireman, but not a home plate umpire.

Back in Maude, Oklahoma, we took our baseball seriously. I had some uncles by on my mother’s side of the family who had a family baseball team. Every brother had a special position that they played until aches and pains slowed them down, and then their sons took their places. Personally I was never much of a baseball player. I was always the last player to be selected when we choose up sides for a game.

The first professional major league game that I ever attended was in 1948 when the World Champion Cleveland Indians were playing an exhibition game with their Texas League Farm Club, the Oklahoma City Indians. Satchel Page started the game and Bobby Feller and another guy finished up. Needless to say I was very impressed. I also remember that these ‘World Champion’ guys didn’t look like ‘Fortune 500’ pin-ups. They were just average ballplayers with hangovers and alimony, like the rest of us.

I really shouldn’t complain about what the player look like now. The game is the same and I enjoy it as much as I always have. Computers haven’t changed the rules. You still get three strikes before you are out. Where else in life can you get a guarantee like that.

Thoughts while waiting in line at the Post Office . . .

J. Edgar Hoover is probably turning over in his grave . . . today I might have discovered one reason why our crime rate might be so high! They have removed all the ‘Wanted Posters’ from most of our Post Offices. No longer while waiting in line to buy stamps can you look at a ‘Rogue’s Gallery’ of black and white wanted posters and say to yourself; “Boy, he looks just like a criminal.” Or, “I sure wouldn’t buy a used car from him!”

For years I have gotten a kick out of examining those sometimes out of focus and foreboding pictures. In a way you could say they also helped me learn to read. My cousin Billy Rae and I would sneak into the post office in our home town of Maude, Okla., and by reading the posters we discovered words like ‘habitual’ or phases like ‘flight to avoid prosecution.’ We even thought the ‘Mann Act’ had something to do with the theater until my older brother told us different. Miss Bolderjack, our third grade teacher could never figure out where some of the new words we tossed about came from.

Unfortunately, today when you go into most Post Offices there’s not an ax murderer or serial killer in sight. All you have to look at are pretty pictures of famous dead movie stars like Lash LaRue or Marilyn or Elvis. As for reading material, you have to be content with Post Office promotions telling you to use overnight Express Mail instead of that unnamed company on the TV commercial.

The postal people tell me they still get the posters, but it’s optional whether they put them up. Don’t get me wrong. I would never, never criticize or take on the U.S. Mail. That would be wrong and un-American and could lead to being investigated by the FBI. I can’t even criticize them for advertising their services, because without newspaper advertising I would not be able to satisfy my golfing addiction.

Even with the posters gone, the United States still has the best and most economically delivery of mail in the world. I even used to work for them in a way when I was overseas in the Army. In a moment of weakness I once volunteered to be temporary company mail clerk in order to get out of guard duty.

The postal officials do have one big problem however. They were a little too fast in putting Elvis on a stamp. He’s not dead, I saw him last week delivering pizza in Moreno Valley.

The worst possible opening sentence for a novel

This is an article that my Maude High School English Teacher, Miss Emma Bolderjack (not to be confused with her sister, Miss Edna Bolderjack, my fifth grade teacher), would be proud of. I’m going to share some interesting items from my collection of amazing if sometimes useless facts about English grammar and other anecdotes and pleasantries.

From the annual “worst opening sentence” competition conducted by the English Dept. at Oklahoma Lutheran University, to which more than 4,000 entries were submitted from all over the country as well as from Thailand, Kenya, Papua New Guinea, and Saudi Arabia, here is the winner:

“The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with the barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, ”Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you’ll feel my steel through your last meal.”
For that, Clyde Avery of Tuttle, Okla., won a word processor. Second place was so bad that even I won’t print it.

It is not uncommon for our English language to utilize a specific word to describe the plural of certain creatures -- such as a school of fish, a litter of pups, a flock of sheep or a swarm of bees.

Some, of course, are far less used than others -- such as a murder of crows, a pod of seals, a rafter of turkeys, a gang of elk, a fall of woodchucks, a drift of hogs, or a tidings of magpies.

And then there are those yet to be used -- such as a flush of plumbers, a wince of dentist, a piddle of puppies, a wrangle of philosophers, a sneer of butlers, a float of dancers (female), a horde of misers, an ambush of widows, an overcharge of repairmen, a score of bachelors, a slant of journalists, a rascal of boys, a charge of taxis, an ingratitude of children, a click of photographers, a no-no of nannies, a sprinkling of gardeners, or a galaxy of astronomers.

It can go on and on with -- a bunker of gofers, an alley of bowlers, and a line-up of baseball player. Don’t forget our national asset of elected officials just think what we could do with them -- such as a junket of congressmen, a public trough of assemblymembers. And of course, a confusion of columnists.

Oh My Goodness!!!

READ TO THE VERY END! VERY ENLIGHTENING!!! AND VERY DISTURBING!!!


By Dewie Whetsell, Alaskan Fisherman.
As posted in comments on Greta's article referencing the MOVEON ad about Sarah Palin.

Due lack of space, I've done some simple editing--BW

The last 45 of my 66 years I've spent in a commercial fishing town in Alaska . I understand Alaska politics but never understood national politics well until this last year. Here's the breaking point: Neither side of the Palin controversy gets it. It's not about persona, style, rhetoric, it's about doing things. Even Palin supporters never mention the things that I'm about to mention here.

1. Democrats forget when Palin was the Darling of the Democrats, because as soon as Palin took the Governor's office away from a fellow Republican and tough SOB, Frank Murkowski, she tore into the Republican's "Corrupt Bastards Club" (CBC) and sent them packing. Many of them are now residing in State housing and wearing orange jump suitsThe Democrats reacted by skipping around the yard, throwing confetti and singing, "la la la la" (well, you know how they are). Name another governor in this country that has ever done anything similar.

2. Now with the CBC gone, there were fewer Alaskan politicians to protect the huge, giant oil companies here. So she constructed and enacted a new system of splitting the oil profits called "ACES." Exxon (the biggest corporation in the world) protested and Sarah told them, "don't let the door hit you in the stern on your way out." They stayed, and Alaska residents went from being merely wealthy to being filthy rich.. Of course, the other huge international oil companies meekly fell in line. Again, give me the name of any other governor in the country that has done anything similar.

3. The other thing she did when she walked into the governor's office is she got the list of State requests for federal funding for projects, known as "pork." She went through the list, took 85% of them and placed them in the "when-hell-freezes-over" stack. She let locals know that if we need something built, we'll pay for it ourselves. Maybe she figured she could use the money she got from selling the previous governor's jet because it was extravagant.
Maybe she could use the money she saved by dismissing the governor's cook (remarking that she could cook for her own family), giving back the State vehicle issued to her, maintaining that she already had a car, and dismissing her State provided security force (never mentioning - I imagine - that she's packing heat herself).. I'm still waiting to hear the names of those other governors.


4. Now, even with her much-ridiculed "gosh and golly" mannerism, she also managed to put together a totally new approach to getting a natural gas pipeline built which will be the biggest private construction project in the history of North America. No one else could do it although they tried. If that doesn't impress you, then you're trying too hard to be unimpressed while watching her do things like this while baking up a batch of brownies with her other hand.


5. For 30 years, Exxon held a lease to do exploratory drilling at a place called Point Thompson. They made excuses the entire time why they couldn't start drilling. In truth they were holding it like an investment. No governor for 30 years could make them get started. Then, she told them she was revoking their lease and kicking them out. They protested and threatened court action. She shrugged and reminded them that she knew the way to the court house. Alaska won again.


6. President Obama wants the nation to be on 25% renewable resources for electricity by 2025. Sarah went to the legislature and submitted her plan for Alaska to be at 50% renewables by 2025. We are already at 25%. I can give you more specifics about things done, as opposed to style and persona Everybody wants to be cool, sound cool, look cool.. But that's just a cover-up. I'm still waiting to hear from liberals the names of other governors who can match what mine has done in two and a half years.. I won't be holding my breath.

Make up your own mind about Sarah.


If you've read this far ................................................
First Lady Michelle Obama's Servant List and Pay Scale

First Lady Requires More Than Twenty Attendants

1. $ 172,2000 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)

2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C . (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)

3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary)

4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)

5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

7. $84,000 - Lelyveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)

8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)

9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)

10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)

11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)

12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)

13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Dir ector of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)

14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)

15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)

16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special=2 0Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)

17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)

18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samantha (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)

19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)

20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)

21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)

22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
(This is community organizing at it's finest.)

There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life.One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense, when even Hillary, only had three; Jackie Kennedy one ; Laura Bush one ; and prior to Mamie Eisenhowersocial help came from the President's own pocket.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe .

FRIENDS.....THESE SALARIES ADD UP TO SIX MILLION, THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS ($6,364,000)FOR THE 4 YEARS OF OFFICE????? AND WE ARE IN A RECESSION????? WELL....MOST OF US ARE. I GUESS IT'S OK TO SPEND WILDLY WHEN IT'S NOT YOUR OWN MONEY?????Due to