Thursday, July 11, 2013

How to Speak Oklahoman

The University of Oklahoma football season is just around the corner, so for all those wantabe Okies out there, it’s time for The Briar Patch to release secret family information on “How to Speak Oklahoman.” Remember in football if you first teach your opponents to speak the language, then their hearts and minds will follow.

FOE (noun)--More than three.

BECON (noun)--A pork product that’s good at breakfast.
PLAY-IT (noun). A serving device that you use with a knife and fork. "Honey ... git me another play-it of beckon and aigs"

AINT (noun)--The sister of one of your parents. "Come over here an give your aint some sugar."

ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant. "I sure hope my brotherin-law puts all in my pickup truck."

ARGON (noun)--Northwestern state where it rains a lot. "You from Yurp?" "Nah ... I's from Argon."

AWDUH (noun)--Obedience to the law. "The Marshal brought law an awduh to the town."

BAHS (noun)--A supervisor. "If you don't stop reading these Okie words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

(adjective/verb)--Cooked in very hot water. "Bring me some bald shrimp and another moon pah!"

BIDNESS (noun)--A commercial venture.

OWNNA (phrase)--"Ah'm ownna git me inta tha Moon Pie bidness!"

BLEEVE (verb)--To accept as true. "Ah bleeve ah'll have another moon pah!"

BOB WAR (noun)--A sharp, twisted cable. "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

CHICK (verb)--To inspect or monitor.

URAL (noun)--Petroleum product belonging to the person being addressed. Usage: "Chick ural, mistah?"

CLINICS (noun)--A brand-name paper tissue. "I'd best git me a box of clinics before I sneeze agin."

COAL (noun)--A common sickness. "I aint coming to work ... I has a coal."

COAT (noun)--A legal gathering. "All rise ... this coat is now in owduh"

EAR (noun)—A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

FAR (noun)--A conflagration. "If my brother-in-law doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

FARD (verb)--Terminated. "Bubba don't work here no more ... we fard him."

FARN (adjective)--Not local. "I cudnt unnerstand a word he sed ... must be from some farn country."

FAWL (noun)--Aluminum wrap for storage of food items. "Could you please wrap my leftover chicken livers in fawl?"

FAY-IR (verb)--Anxious concern. "The only thing we have to fay-ir is fay-ir itself!"

FRAIZIN (noun)--Not warm. "Shut dat dar winda, it's fraizin in here."

FRAUD (adjective)--Cooked in oil. "That Southern fraud chicken sure was good."

FUSSED (adjective)--A premier position. "You been here before?" "Nah ... this is my fussed time."

GROAN (noun)--To increase in size. "My, how you've groan!"

HERBAL (adjective)--Terrible, awful. "He's got hisself into one herbal mess."

HOWSCUM (a question)-- "Howscum Bubba tore down the bob war fence?

LAYMAN (noun)--A tart fruit. " Sugar, git me some more of that layman aid!"

LILAC (verb)--An untruth. "He's a nice enough feller, but he can lilac a dog!"

LOWERED (noun)--A deity. "Lowered, bless this pick up truck and don’t let my brother-in-law wreck it."

MILL (noun)--Food consumed during a certain time period.

Usage: "Bubba, turn off Hee-Haw and eat yur mill!"

MUNTS (noun)--A calendar division. "My brother-in-law bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

PA (noun)--A baked pastry dish. "This pecan pa is the best ah ever et."

PRIOR (noun)--A talk with God. "As long as teachers continue to give their students tests, there will be prior in school!"

RAFFLE (noun)-A firearm. "Son, fetch me ma raffle."

RANCH (noun)--A tool. "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother-in-law bard a few munts ago."

RETARD (verb)--To stop working. "My granpaw retard at age 65."

SURP (noun)--What you put on pancakes or waffles. "Pass me the surp!"

TAR (noun)--A rubber wheel. "Gee, I hope that brother-in-law of mine doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE (noun)--A tall monument. "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime."

TUBAFOR (noun)--Lumber. "Don't make me have to whomp ya upside the head with a tubafor!"

YURP (noun)--A collection of countries located across the Atlantic Ocean from 'Marika. "The QE2 takes you from New York to Yurp."


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