Thoughts while waiting in line at the Post Office . . .

J. Edgar Hoover is probably turning over in his grave . . . today I might have discovered one reason why our crime rate might be so high! They have removed all the ‘Wanted Posters’ from most of our Post Offices. No longer while waiting in line to buy stamps can you look at a ‘Rogue’s Gallery’ of black and white wanted posters and say to yourself; “Boy, he looks just like a criminal.” Or, “I sure wouldn’t buy a used car from him!”

For years I have gotten a kick out of examining those sometimes out of focus and foreboding pictures. In a way you could say they also helped me learn to read. My cousin Billy Rae and I would sneak into the post office in our home town of Maude, Okla., and by reading the posters we discovered words like ‘habitual’ or phases like ‘flight to avoid prosecution.’ We even thought the ‘Mann Act’ had something to do with the theater until my older brother told us different. Miss Bolderjack, our third grade teacher could never figure out where some of the new words we tossed about came from.

Unfortunately, today when you go into most Post Offices there’s not an ax murderer or serial killer in sight. All you have to look at are pretty pictures of famous dead movie stars like Lash LaRue or Marilyn or Elvis. As for reading material, you have to be content with Post Office promotions telling you to use overnight Express Mail instead of that unnamed company on the TV commercial.

The postal people tell me they still get the posters, but it’s optional whether they put them up. Don’t get me wrong. I would never, never criticize or take on the U.S. Mail. That would be wrong and un-American and could lead to being investigated by the FBI. I can’t even criticize them for advertising their services, because without newspaper advertising I would not be able to satisfy my golfing addiction.

Even with the posters gone, the United States still has the best and most economically delivery of mail in the world. I even used to work for them in a way when I was overseas in the Army. In a moment of weakness I once volunteered to be temporary company mail clerk in order to get out of guard duty.

The postal officials do have one big problem however. They were a little too fast in putting Elvis on a stamp. He’s not dead, I saw him last week delivering pizza in Moreno Valley.